Now this is a Christmas tree

The chief

The Bicycle

A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission

in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes

that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says

to the chief, 'This is a tree.'

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, 'Tree.'

The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he
points to a rock and says, 'This is a rock.' Hearing this, the chief looks and

grunts, 'Rock.'

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears
a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives

in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, 'Man riding a bike.'

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years
teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he

kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, 'My bike.'

Viagra advertisement at a doctor's room

Baie snaaks

3 ouens sterf in die weermag, en die Generaal moet hulle
metgeselle die nuus oordra.By die eerste huis vertel hy die soldaat
se vrou van
die ou se dood en sy huil so 'n bietjie.Die generaal wou toe weet
watse begrafnis
hulle moet reël."Wel, hy was baie lief vir hengel, so ek sal hom
maar veras en sy asse in die see gooi en hy sal gelukkig wees" sê sy
weduwee.
By die tweede huis vra die generaal dieselfde vraag aan die
vrou, en nadat sy 'n traan of twee gestort het, sê sy, "Hy was baie
lief vir jag,
so ek sal hom laat veras, en die asse in die jagveld strooi waar sy siel
lekker sal rus".
By die derde huis leer die generaal dat die laaste soldaat eintlik
'n moffie was en met 'n man getroud was. Nadat die moffie vir 'n uur
lank sy oë uitgehuil het sê hy "O hy was nie eintlik iemand wat ander
belange gehad het behalwe vir my nie. Hy was die wonderlikste minnaar. Hy was
ook baie lief vir kerrie en rissies, en ek het altyd die beste disse vir hom
voorberei, so ek dink ons moet hom veras, en ek sal weer een van my
spesiale warm disse maak en sy asse oor strooi, dan sal ek hom eet,
en dan kan hy
vir oulaas my gat weer lekker laat brand !"

Wheels of life

This funny in a way, but also so true and in a sence sad hey?

The Taxman

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue.

While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said: "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.

But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question.

"We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."

"I see!" replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

A good wife can bring balance to your life!

Capetown robbery

A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded their money. Once he
was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, "Did you see me
rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a coloured couple standing next to him and asked the
man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Nay meneer ek hettie gasien nie, maar my vrou het!"

Hoza weekend

Hey its weekend time again and i am looking forward to another lekker weekend.Thanks for all the comments on my last posting regarding my late father.I have learned with this whole experience that life is short and that we must appreciate everything we have although its just borrowed to us.May main objective is to make peace with everyone i had issues with in my life, and to make friends and no enemies.Oh by the way i want to wish all moms a wonderfull mothersday and may you all be treated well and be treated very special.

Enjoy

Gerhard

Piet Schaap-may you rest in peace

I have to apologize for not updating my blog for so long.The reason for this is that my father passed away on the 10th of April and that’s why I neglected my blog.My family and I lost a very dear and kind man.We will sadly miss him as he was well respected by us and everyone that had any dealings with him.What a positive man he was,although he had some setbacks medically he was never down and always had a very nice positive attitude and a warm personality and would go out of his way to assist anyone in need.My father Piet Schaapwas born on the 10-08-1934 and grew up on a farm called Rooirivier in the Klein Karoo in the Uniondale district .After matriculating he joined the South African Police in 1956-1958 and then resigned from the police and then joined South African Airways (Suid Afrikaanse Lugdiens) in 1959.In 1969 he met my mother Juliana and they got married and a year later I was born.My father enjoyed his work and was very dedicated and passionate about his work at the South African Airways and served them from 1959 to 1993.I still remember the good old days when he used to take our family all over the world.I never in my life ever met a more interesting person like my dad a good sense of humour and well informed about everything.Rugby was a big passion of my dad,A Western province supporter like me and he never missed rugby,cricket etc etc on tv.I would like to thanks Joppie Niemand and all the ex-South African Airways crew and Cockpit (Orange tailers) www.orangetail.co.za for their support in the difficult time our family is going through.A further thanks to all the staff at the Glynwood life hospital where my dad spent the last 11 days of his life in the icu and a great thank you to Sue and the icu staff as well for the manner in which you took care of him and for the manner in which you treated our family.A further thanks to friends and family for all your support in this time and for uplifting me,my sister Bernie and my mom Julie.We will surely miss him a lot and may he live forever in our minds and hearts.My father was an inspiration for me and a good role model and I will always try to be like him,although it wont be easy to fill his shoes.Hope you will forgive me for not updating my blog in this time but im sure you would understand.

Kind regards

Gerhard

Funny baby names due to load shedding

Baby`s names after 9 months due to "load shedding” :

Candle Nomvete Darkness Mapogo Eskom Tshabalala
Vroegslaap Khumalo Blackout Dube Battery Ndlovu
Generator Mashaba Loadshedding Masibuko Robotoff Vilakazi
Teekersie Oosthuizen Parrafienlamp Botha Primus Minnaar
Sonpaneel Coetzee Geiser Nel Cadac Nortje
Gasbottel vd Merwe Gasstoof van Wyk Vuurhoutjie de Bruin
Vlammetjie Joubert Besparing Villiers Isoleer Vosloo
Beurtkrag Poggenpoel Blaker du Toit Flikkerlig Wessels
Powerdip Malherbe Gas Blomerus Donker Afrika Smith
Battery charged Erasmus Middernagswart Willemse Flitslig Bothma
Kersvlam Adams Braaivleisvuur vd Schyff Braaivleis Swanepoel
Kragkrisis Potgieter Kragsentrale Knoetze Kerskrag Esterhuizen
Tripwire Petzer Tripswitch Pieterse Regulator Malan
Leë beloftes Mbeki Fires van Blerk Vonk du Preez
Diesel de Klerk Koperdraad Herselman Vetkers du Plooy
Maglite Muller Kragboks de Koker Weerlig Jacobs
Rou kos du Plessis Geen kos Nolte Rechargable Diedericks
Boggerol krag Harmse Flitsbattery van Helsdingen Energiespaar Pretorius
Torch Misimang Power failure Dlamini Power station Kodisang
Kragopwekker Skosana Nat steenkool Zuma derek watt

Lefifi Mabone Kragstasie Viljoen Dim Dimples

Powerhungry Zuma Kunzima Skhosana Kufiphele Cwati

A show not to miss-its going to be a blast

The lighter side of Jacob Zuma

Fake friends vs real friends

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: is the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr / Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM

FAKE FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong
REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you saying 'Dawg ... we screwed up...
but that was fun!'

FAKE FRIENDS: never seen you cry
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back
REAL FRIENDS: keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours

FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say 'I'M HOME!'

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life

FAKE FRIENDS: will talk bad to the person who talks bad about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock the person out that talked bad about you

FIFA 2010-Eskom Load Shedding

New speedlimit device in South Africa

S.A version of Google earth

The new name for Eskom

With immediate effect "Nkosi Sikelele iAfrika" will be replaced as the National Anthem with:

“Hello Darkness, my old Friend"

Why i dont ride my bike anymore

This is so true and very funny

Why men are never depressed

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress R 5000. Tux rental R 500. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. !

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is R 30.00 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.